The Wildest Stories from Kingdom Come 2: Delivering Mayhem and Laughter

Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2: A Hilariously Unpredictable Medieval Adventure

Every playthrough of Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 is a unique and unforgettable experience, not just because of its brutal realism and unforgiving medieval setting, but also because of the sheer absurdity that unfolds at every corner. Below are some of the most hilariously unexpected side quests I encountered during my Bohemian escapades. These stories contain no main storyline spoilers, focusing instead on the game's wonderfully unpredictable charm.

Table of Contents

• Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
• Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
• Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
• Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
• Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
• Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song

The quaint town of Želejov, nestled in the game's heart, boasts a bathhouse, a fighting arena, and a lively tavern. Here reside two indolent troubadours dreaming of Bohemian musical domination with their "epic" songs. Their problem? A lack of funds, an instrument, and any discernible artistic direction.

Image: ensigame.com

To aid these aspiring musicians, Henry undertakes a series of increasingly ludicrous tasks. He steals a lute (risking arrest and reputational damage), only to have the strings snapped by the musicians, who then demand new ones made from sheep intestines. Further complications arise: the bards owe the innkeeper, and refuse to work off their debt, deeming it beneath their genius.

After countless errands across Bohemia, the troubadours finally possess everything they need – instrument, freedom, and inspiration. Their reward? A soul-crushingly dull song about Henry's mundane exploits: stealing, sheep-butchery, and bag-carrying. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I laugh uncontrollably.

Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern

Remember those lute strings? They require crafting by Vojtěch, a local hunter. The catch? Vojtěch is an inebriated woodsman who encountered wolves and climbed a tree like a drunken ape. During the rescue, he falls and injures his leg.

The intended outcome involves carrying him back to camp, saving his horse, and helping him sober up. In return, Vojtěch becomes a loyal ally. But what if you deliver him directly to the tavern?

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I chose the tavern route, lugging Vojtěch through forests and swamps. His reaction? Unmitigated displeasure. He berated me, questioned his whereabouts, and lamented his injured leg and missing horse. He refused further assistance and limped away. Our next encounter? A grumpy greeting and a less-than-stellar view from behind his shack.

Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog

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The Polovtsians, responsible for Henry's family's demise, are the game's antagonists. Finding them causing trouble in a tavern ignited my fury. I charged towards their camp, ready for revenge.

Instead of brutal marauders, I found friendly individuals. I quickly found myself matchmaking one with a gypsy woman, then drinking with them, and finally, singing a bizarre song. Then, a talking dog lectured me on life's purpose, challenging me to swim across a lake. I survived, amidst much laughter.

Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price

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By hour 30, I was a master thief. By hour 31, Bohemia's most wanted. Why? A botched heist. While looting a guard barracks, a passerby noticed me. The next morning, a guard confronted me, and despite talking my way out of it, my flashy accessories and lingering stench gave me away. The game's attention to detail is astonishing.

Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies

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I stole a horse and attempted to sell it to Mikolaj, a gypsy horse trader. Mikolaj was asleep, the horse bolted, and I waited until dawn. Mikolaj's leisurely breakfast – porridge, spoon-licking, and belly-scratching – was a memorable prelude to the eventual sale.

Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

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These are just glimpses into what makes Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 so special. Every decision, however minor, has consequences. The game's commitment to realism and immersion ensures every playthrough is unique and unforgettable. Bohemia awaits!